While doing research for this blog, I thought it wise to Wikipedia myself. From this searching I discovered that Sam Webb is a name I share with the current leader of Communist Party USA. Let me be clear in saying that I am not that Sam Webb, nor am I in anyway a communist.
Sure, I love The Hunt for Red October as much as anybody, and I occasionally wear red, but rest assured that I love capitalism. I eat at McDonald's, shop at Walmart, obey the collective will of the bourgeois, because I'm a patriot. Like every one of you, I toil, happily serving those who have more than I, as a member of the working class. And though my hands tire and my back aches, I, like all of you, comrades, know my place in the freedom that is democracy.
How foolish to confuse me with a man who sees that equality will only be reached through class struggle, that we as workers can and must unite to break our chains and defeat our profiteering overlords! What nonsense, that I, along with my fellow proletariat, would see that we are united with a single heart beat, the heart of the people. A people who will rise and bring order to this world, dispersing all to the masses, so that we may do away with classes and wealth and poverty and live united!
Rise, my brothers! Rise and be heard! May we cry as one voice, "I am not a communist!" Only when we open our eyes and see that we as the workers have the power can we take control and say, "No, that's some other dude, why are you reading my blog? I'm an incredibly sarcastic college student, not some old guy from Maine who has a two paragraph Wikipedia page".
This is the cry of the people, comrades, and they demand to be heard.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
In The Beginning
We are the Webbs, Sam and Gabe.
The story of our birth, separation, and reunion is often misrepresented or misunderstood. We would like to take this opportunity to present the complete truth and shed light on details that may not have been publicly known.
We were born on a U.S. Navy ship in the Panama Canal. Our father was Kenyan. We were educated in Mexico City, learning letters from a reclusive tutor who always wore a paper bag on his head and learning art from a woman with a single eyebrow. In adolescence we were separated. I, Sam, became an ambulance driver in Paris during the First World War. My brother, Gabe, became an obsessive New England fisherman who constantly hunted an albino whale. After years of fruitless toil, Gabe became so fed-up with his elusive whale foe that he decided to have his memory erased through an experimental procedure. The process left him with no recollection of his past, including his brother. At the outbreak of the Second World War, I worked for an office of the Allies that investigated any kind of paranormal connection between man and Germany’s experimental V2 rockets. It was also during that time that I discovered a strange connection to the rocket that I would not like to discuss via this blog. The horrors of war unfolding before my eyes caused me to become unstuck in time, leaving me with no understanding of where or who I was. Ten years of unknown separation, however, was no match for the complex computer algorithm created by Deb Vetter.
Upon our individual arrivals to Asbury College, the Transition and Guidance Program united us. We sensed each other’s martial arts prowess and entered into a duel after Gabe called me "a dangerous man, and one who ought not be trusted with the reins of government." The duel was exclusively fisticuffs and ended in a draw after discovering that we possessed nearly identical fighting styles. Out of respect for finding such worthy opponents, we quickly formed a friendship. As time progressed, it became clear that our connection was no mere coincidence. Following a strange incident involving floating vegetables and a ghostly purple glow upon any physical contact between us, we realized that we were indeed twins.
Today, we continue to discover the depths of our unusual twin powers, as well as indulge in copious amounts of campy movies, zombie lore, and beat boxing.
Through this blog, this Webb log, we will attempt to make you laugh, cry, bleed from the eyes, and cough up bile. Two of those will happen. Which ones?
We don’t know.
The story of our birth, separation, and reunion is often misrepresented or misunderstood. We would like to take this opportunity to present the complete truth and shed light on details that may not have been publicly known.
We were born on a U.S. Navy ship in the Panama Canal. Our father was Kenyan. We were educated in Mexico City, learning letters from a reclusive tutor who always wore a paper bag on his head and learning art from a woman with a single eyebrow. In adolescence we were separated. I, Sam, became an ambulance driver in Paris during the First World War. My brother, Gabe, became an obsessive New England fisherman who constantly hunted an albino whale. After years of fruitless toil, Gabe became so fed-up with his elusive whale foe that he decided to have his memory erased through an experimental procedure. The process left him with no recollection of his past, including his brother. At the outbreak of the Second World War, I worked for an office of the Allies that investigated any kind of paranormal connection between man and Germany’s experimental V2 rockets. It was also during that time that I discovered a strange connection to the rocket that I would not like to discuss via this blog. The horrors of war unfolding before my eyes caused me to become unstuck in time, leaving me with no understanding of where or who I was. Ten years of unknown separation, however, was no match for the complex computer algorithm created by Deb Vetter.
Upon our individual arrivals to Asbury College, the Transition and Guidance Program united us. We sensed each other’s martial arts prowess and entered into a duel after Gabe called me "a dangerous man, and one who ought not be trusted with the reins of government." The duel was exclusively fisticuffs and ended in a draw after discovering that we possessed nearly identical fighting styles. Out of respect for finding such worthy opponents, we quickly formed a friendship. As time progressed, it became clear that our connection was no mere coincidence. Following a strange incident involving floating vegetables and a ghostly purple glow upon any physical contact between us, we realized that we were indeed twins.
Today, we continue to discover the depths of our unusual twin powers, as well as indulge in copious amounts of campy movies, zombie lore, and beat boxing.
Through this blog, this Webb log, we will attempt to make you laugh, cry, bleed from the eyes, and cough up bile. Two of those will happen. Which ones?
We don’t know.
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